Mar 22, 2020 12 min read

Work in the Time of Corona

A tale of a woman choosing between the family and the job she loves.

A master multitasking mom who makes it look easy, while likely crying into her cat.

A tale of a woman during a global pandemic, forced to choose between the family and the job she loves.

The view from my attic office, when I finally sit down to work at night.

Perceptions are changing

I have been working on this article for 11 days, from my home office, couch, bed, kitchen table, kids room on my phone and porch. Everyday since I began, I am reassured by other women that I am not alone. How many articles have you read this week that we are “in the new normal”? Part of that new normal: Remote work is here to stay.

We can finally rejoice that our work-from-home ways are not offending anyone. Corporations are now accepting flexible work. In all channels, they are cheering on #wfh culture. Clearly though, working women across the country are not rejoicing. We are hanging on by a thread.

Prior to COVID-19, physical distancing (2 weeks ago in the U.S.!) work for women was different. Remote work was too. Working from home came with negative assumptions. Remote-workers were cheating, lazy, hermits, poor collaborators, lonely, or lived in their sweats/pj’s (Ok this last one may be true).

My home office as imagined by my children. Stacks of paper, uneaten pizza and half-finished La Croix cans everywhere. Pictures of love on the wall.

Unconscious bias told bosses if they couldn’t see you working, you probably weren’t. Maybe you were at a party or shopping. Managers couldn’t fathom timesheets were accurate. How could anyone work that much or keep those hours?

CEOs are now speaking for the masses with statements of praise for remote work. The sanctioning working-from-home highlights how employers are often tone deaf to their employees. Antiquated behemoth companies were not ready for remote work. Yet the future millennial workforce value flexibility at work. Work-from-home women know, flex work has deserved respect for much longer.

Ladies and gentlemen: You too can dial-in to that meeting, without shame!

For seasoned work-from-home evangelists, the positivity around flex-work in our feeds is validating. Thanks to LinkedIn posts (mostly white, cis, male), leaders over the past week have granted the masses permission to #WFH. Ladies and gentlemen: You too can dial-in to that meeting, without shame!

For decades, women I know have begged managers for flexibility. We asked for job shares to no avail. We left meetings with glaring coworkers when we needed to make pick-up. We signed on from home while our kids had the dreaded hfm. We created businesses, working in the evenings or when the kids were at school.

Who says?

There is “revelation” that remote work is also cost-effective and it works for families and productivity. Researchers, parents and individual employees have apparently been shouting into the wind.

Why do men in corporate leadership now get to declare working from home acceptable? Why should flex work only work in this moment? It makes women who worked from home shake our fists with rage. The patriarchy continues to infiltrate home offices across the globe.

Trying to get a proposal done, a colleague got clever with a boppy.

The reason so many women know it works, is because women have been doing basically forever. Life is not boxed in and remote work hours shouldn’t be either. We are not static; careers and families and stages of life ebb and flow. That’s the whole point of work flexibility! Flex with your life.

Women already nurse and change diapers on zoom while proposing business ideas. We work (and shower and eat and sleep) with “minor” interruptions all day long. The remote-work and life shuffle is old hat for us. We have multitasked since the dawn of time.

Many of us have fought hard to excel being remote, even when social norms dictated otherwise. We lived with years of judgement from managers. We had to explain again why we had to leave at 5:30pm a bit “early”. But, “no worries we will finish up later that night”even if it kills us.

Creatives, engineers, coaches, consultants, teachers, parents, writers, editors, artists juggle work and home. Now the market is literally flooded. Everyone is becoming experts in virtual collaboration overnight.

True, it is a positive shift. But it creates a scarcity-mentality for solopreneurs and freelancers, many of them women. Small business owners, (and a host of other professionals) already mastered this skill.

We already know how to create better teams, parents and families. But only if the time spent on “work” is done equally.

Parity Lost

Here’s that cat. She’s probably wet with tears at the injustice of it all.

You can find one solace in the slew of this week’s articles around gender equality; at least it’s not in your head. Your gut sense, now in late March, 2020 is not wrong. We are sliding backwards, fast.

Women historically make less and hold care-taking jobs. We often work from home or leave early. We have more flexible jobs. Women are by default the ones to sacrifice careers.

Women are starting at a disadvantage. We lost income or position after bearing children. Societal expectations contribute to making “tough choices” over who’s career matters more.

Women make up 3 out of 4 school teachers, (currently furloughed or out of work). Lower-paying, service jobs like hospitality, restaurants, childcare were the first to go. These roles are not exactly remote-friendly. The crux of this as well as other jobs at risk can be traced back to systemic inequality in gender.

Just days and months ago, women felt like we were on the cusp on accomplishing big things. In the U.S., posts around Covid were not yet fever pitch, and women’s equality seemed to feel possible.

Think about it. Oprah was interviewing Michelle in mid-February. Warren was a viable candidate, until March 5th. March 8th, was International Women’s Day and we were promised Generation Equality. We would finally realize women’s rights by 2030. Weinstein was sentenced to prison on March 11th.

As panic and positive tests increase, hospitals and homes begin to feel the effects. Despite newfound acceptance, remote work is often not happening.

Now in full blown crisis mode, it can feel as if progress vanished. It can feel wrong to bring this up. Men and women are all affected by the world going sideways. People are sick and dying. Everyone feels on edge.

As panic and positive tests increase, hospitals and homes begin to feel the effects. Despite newfound acceptance, remote work is often not happening. The American need for productivity and independence is faltering. Families working towards balance that vanished overnight.

Guess who is usually sacrificing work when money is tight in exchange for care-taking? In this COVID-19 crisis women everywhere know: we are facing the brunt of the issues.

A nurse and mother of two squeezing in a call and schoolwork last week.

Remote Control

On average in 2018 and 2019, women started 1800 small businesses a day. Small businesses owned by women of color make up 50% of all women-owned small businesses. They employ about 2.5 million in the U.S. Women own 42% of all businesses in the states.

Most of them are wondering how to pivot their businesses remote or stay afloat. The ones who were already worked flexibly see a slew of competition along with a slew of more distractions. Others are already on the brink of folding before they ever got their footing. (Yes there is opportunity here–more on that later). The lack of control and returning obstacles to our careers adds to our anxiety.

A woman small business owner takes a quick “work break” while her toddler naps. She still tries to make sure the kindergartner still learns math while keeping clients happy.

Women small business owners (and everyone really) are craving a routine. Many of us are now sharing our home “offices” with a team. The challenges of fitting work in around our partner’s is intense. Women’s capacity for work has decreased with this crisis. And their revenue pipeline has decreased exponentially.

For the privileged who can swing it, we espouse home-offices as the great corporate equalizer. Working from home is said to be the panacea to our work while stuck-home-with-kids problem. But, women are often at the mercy of the rest of the family as to when and where we can actually get work done. Remote jobs and access to work time are not equal.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention this issue is a privilege in itself. While pushing society to create more equal partnerships is the thorn for many, some don’t even have that option. In the U.S. 1 in 4 parents living with kids are single moms! I can’t even imagine how frustrating it must be to hear couples complain about wanting more help when other parents may have zero, and still somehow have to work.

The schedule of a tenured history professor at a famous university, making a plan her two kids. Hopefully she can make it work for remote office hours.

Another privilege can be said for parents who can manage extensive homeschooling. How are they able to homeschool equal to the level of classroom teachers? Those who already work from home full time, paid or unpaid…are wondering how we’ll last through the coming week.

Women feel awe mixed with anger for their peers. How are they able to make it look easy and shower? True some are professional educators. As a professional who also has a Masters in Education, I can honestly say it’s still baffling.

Facing another week with kids, trying to squeeze in work is daunting. It’s why mothers are embracing unschooling. The reality is we have little choice. We can find some comfort in throwing the kids markers, legos, an iPad or the remote. It’s likely kids will not retain much with everyone’s anxiety so high.

Women feel completely out of control. Did anyone even have it together before the pandemic? Mom-guilt already existed prior to the Corona life. Fellow moms admit they too let kids be in front of screens all day. When we fail at a Pinterest-worthy schedule, our tribe will give us a pass.

Even with a nod of solidarity, working moms, like all parents, want more for our children. Parents want to create a sense of safety and normalcy. But, there is no refuge when our kids need more than we can give. Whether we want or need to work, something needs to shift.

Women feel completely out of control. Did anyone even have it together before the pandemic?

Home equity

Women are still held to higher standards at work and home. Women able to dial in from home aren’t often afforded the same hours or the same graces. This doesn’t seem like equitable work-from-home culture; it’s toxic office culture in the home.

If remote work and flexible work have finally gained acceptance, but women can’t participate or benefit equally, then what have we gained?

A mom takes calls while trying to hydrate, entertain a a baby, all evidently do laundry and cook with pepper? Did I mention she and her 6 year old kid were sick too?

Removing a commute to an office did not remove systemic issues we face at balancing career and home. 2 weeks in and many women are experiencing challenges making this “work” at all. During this crisis, womxn are still saddled with the same inequities, if not more so than at the end of 2019.

The COVID-19 outbreak brings blessings to work-from-home. But these often come from men in some office bunker where no one bothers them. Many men can still escape to their quiet solitude to dial in to a meeting. No one interrupts dad to help open a string cheese.

If dad chooses to work a bit less to be “on kid duty” they are applauded: “What a great dad!” Men post a video of their toddler walking in frame that goes viral. If the kids ever chose to interrupt them instead of mom, they would be praised for such an adorable anomaly.

If remote work and flexible work have finally gained acceptance, but women can’t participate or benefit equally, then what have we gained?

Most women I know are still forced to park kids in front of a screen and silence them and their needs at all costs. We act alone when we’re holding a baby. Because women know we still get judged for being less than committed, even by other women. For women entrepreneurs, remote life now is the same as it was in January. Women must still pretend we don’t live with kids on calls.

Women who have the privilege of a partner’s salary and insurance face a daily question: Can I continue trying to make this all work? Many see a huge dip in income compared to their partners. Some are not as lucky. In many cases their partner is now unemployed. The pressure is on. In the U.S. single mothers comprise over 85% of the 15 million single parents who need to work with children stuck at home. Remote work for them is likely next to impossible.

Defining the New Normal

The acceptance of flex work (if done right) may just provide women an opportunity for growth. The wage and wealth gap, (which is likely tanking right now), could bounce back to 2019 levels. Last year gender parity only had about 225 years to go.

Oh look mom, more screens. It’s ok. They’re face timing grandma.

What if men did some scaling back and juggling? What if men let a kid interrupting their work be the norm? What if we all made a once-a-week-4-hour-workday the standard (so we can do Life things)?

What if we all worked less during the day ? Shared more of the unpaid labor when needed, without apologies? What if women worked 8 straight hours without guilt or judgement? (And single parents got vital support they need.)

If equity at work and home has a fighting chance, this is a great testing ground. We must acknowledge that boundaries of “professional” and “personal” are vanishing. Everyone needs to offer varying attention to work during certain seasons of life. Career and family need different levers of effort during a pandemic. Both parents need to adjust expectations.

There’s a huge opportunity to create equitable, accepting and inclusive workplaces. This opportunity exists even when the “place” is nebulous. Remote work has the ability to tear down boundaries. If men and women treat flex work, office work and unpaid labor equally, we can get things back on track.

Remote work is more than just working 9–5 (or 7–6) out of the office, right? Humans are only really productive about 4 hours a day, anyway. Men and women must push back on the need to DO ALL THE THINGS, ALL THE TIME. This is not sustainable, it’s not healthy and it’s not normal.

There’s a huge opportunity to create equitable, accepting and inclusive workplaces. This opportunity exists even when the “place” is nebulous.

Opportunity Knocking for Everyone.

This crisis brings an opportunity to support and serve everyone’s careers equally. If this is our “new normal” way to work, how are we ensuring women are set up to actually get work done? Use this moment to improve work cultures and pay equity for women and minorities.

Parents: Remember, you teamed up to support your partner’s wishes for life, work and family, even in crisis.(Shout out and thanks to my partner!)

Do not work as if 8 hours-uninterrupted of work is the “new normal”.
Use flex work to truly be yourself, kids and all.
Talk to your partner, colleagues, managers and employees.
Give each other solid time to find flow state.
Be open, clear and accommodating.
Share resources, tools and tips.
Take turns–with everything.
Recognize each other’s rhythms.

Managers and coworkers: Remember, even on a remote call, to ask the (silent) women what they think. They are still often in a “room” full of men.

Above all else, trust by default.
Define expectations around remote work.
Allow women of color to speak their truth first.
Amplify women’s ideas daily. Quote them.

Everyone: This is a hard time. When women tell you what they need, listen.

Vote for social services that support working parents (universal healthcare & subsidized childcare).
Listen to women.
Be flexible and open.
Don’t judge.

If everyone creates a new normal for work and home, perceptions about working women could change. Women’s businesses could succeed. We could all keep kicking ass at our jobs, no matter where we work.

Stay safe. Be grateful. Steal some precious moments with your kids.

Then everyone, let’s get back to work.